Who Are You?
“The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.”
- Martina Navratilova
Martina Navratilova once said, “The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.”
No truer words have ever been spoken. I start with this quote because your level of commitment will speak volumes about who YOU are.
How important is understanding who you are? It’s the single biggest sticking point in a person’s life. People get stuck all the time because they have no idea who they really are. I know this because I had to go through the hard lessons that life has for those who don’t know who they are.
DESIGNATED YELLER
One of my early afflictions was my inflexibility when it came to my coaching style. I was a yeller. I was actually given the title of “Designated Yeller”. I thought that was cool. In time I found that my yelling was not allowing me to be the best coach I could be. Instead of being a teacher I was being a bully.
I had grown up watching Vince Lombardi, Bobby Knight and Woody Hayes. All three had two things that stood out: 1) They were championship coaches 2) They yelled.
As a kid I put one and one together and figured that was the key to success. YELL, louder and longer than anyone else was willing or able. Yelling gifted me with a career record, in my first 11 seasons of 33 wins, 77 loses and one tie. If you hired me, at that time in my career, you could be assured of three wins a year.
In my head I wasn’t winning for two reasons: 1) I wasn’t yelling loud enough 2) The other coaches weren’t yelling enough. Yeah, I was a piece of work back in my early days. I’m not proud of it at all. It took a chicken house fan, nearly splitting my head in two for me to change my ways.
After the accident I was told by the neuro-surgeon that I couldn’t have any contact … it would cause intercranial pressure and it would kill me. I couldn’t lift weights because the strain would cause intercranial pressure and it would kill me. I couldn’t hold in a sneeze … it would cause intercranial pressure and it would kill me. AND I couldn’t yell … you guessed it … it would cause intercranial pressure and it would kill me.
I checked my coaching tool box and all I had was this big sledge hammer I had used for 11 years … and now it was gone … how would I be able to get the message to the athletes if I couldn’t yell? I went out to the first practice in my new job as head football coach at Subiaco Academy and I spoke to the team in little more than a whisper. For the first time in my coaching career the athletes did not rear back in fear. No. For the first time they leaned in to hear me. They wanted to get better. They wanted to be taught how to improve their skills. They wanted to be led.
What a great lesson. After this epiphany, my coaching record improved dramatically. From that point I went 251 – 87 – 1.
I wasn’t a smarter coach; I became a better teacher. I finally understand WHO I was supposed to be. I became committed to helping my athletes move forward along their path by teaching great technique and fundamentals.
Had I not had the run in with the fan I doubt I would have learned the lesson that changed my career. I was only involved in the process; I was too focused on me and what I was doing and not committed to how the message was being pushed to the athletes.
THE THREE COWBOYS
In Move or Die, I tell the story of the Three Cowboys. At the end I ask the reader to assess who they were like in the story. One cowboy was only concerned with himself and his welfare. His end game was to make enough money to have a good time at the end of the ride.
The second cowboy was liked by all and was a solid worker. He didn’t extend himself much, but he got the job done. At the end of the ride, he hoped one day, that he would climb the professional ladder and become the foreman.
The third cowboy was a grinder. He worked long and hard. He looked for opportunities to learn more and become useful to the rest of the parts of the cattle drive. His end game was to own everything that he could see.
I ask you the same question now. Which one are you. The short-term, selfish thinker. The get-along-guy, who was well liked, but had a limited outlook? Or are you the third cowboy who had a vision of where he wanted to be and was committed to making it come true through hard work?
Don’t be confused by who you would “like” to be, or who you “see” yourself as. I need you to be brutally honest with yourself. How close are you to the first cowboy on your day-to-day interactions in your personal and business world? How far away are you from being the third cowboy?
This isn’t an easy process. It should hurt a little if you start digging into who you truly are. Stand back, become detached from your personal feelings, it’s okay to tell yourself the truth. We need to do this daily. Only when we understand our true self will be able to move forward in our life and live our optimal life.
If you’re the third cowboy … in everything you do … congratulations. It’s a tough life to do it every single day of the week, the month and the year and for the rest of your life.
For most, we are a combination of all three cowboys. And this is a good thing if we came to this conclusion. We must understand that we are not stuck being this person. We can see our flaws and our strong points. We can keep being that third cowboy in the areas that you are able to do that, but we also now have a target in order to work on the things that pull us down to the cowboys who are merely involved with the process.
The times you want to be part of but you won’t become committed. You don’t speak up in meetings. You walk down the halls with your head down. You eat alone. You are always the last to get your work finished and are usually rushed. You complain constantly about your work.
Maybe it’s volunteering to be part of a project. Maybe it’s helping a co-worker through a problem. It could be having enough confidence in yourself to go to another person and ask for help, or even to ask a “stupid question”. Remember the question is never stupid if you don’t know the answer. Because when you learn the information, it might push you forward to a new way of thinking.
Whatever it is that will bring you closer to being the third cowboy, do it. This change will revitalize who you are and will change the trajectory of your career and your life.
CRAYONS
The second part of understanding who you are is understanding what makes you unique and different, and how you use those skills and abilities. I use Crayons as my metaphor for these tools.
First of all, how many Crayons do you have in your box? List out your unique skills and abilities. You might have 8 or 48 or 120 with a Crayon sharpener in the back of the box. I know ‘me’ pretty well. I have eight … yeah that’s it … you might think a coach who has won championships at every level of competitive football, who has a Master’s Degree and who is a Best-Selling author would have a bunch of Crayons. Nope, just 8. And they aren’t the normal Crayon. They are the big thick pre-school, Crayons.
The key to my success was knowing what my skills and abilities were, and then utilizing them every single day. My Crayons need to be thick because one of my Crayons is that I am a Grinder. I define a ‘grinder’ as never thinking that enough is enough. I can always be better. I can always learn more. I can always work harder. I have been around people who were truly 120 Crayon people … with the sharpener in the back of the box … but they were not willing to push themselves. They had all the tools to be at the top of the game. But they became complacent and stopped using most of their box of Crayons.
This desire only to be “involved” in their professional and private journeys leaves them stuck. If they were ever to become “committed” … look out … they will be at the top of their profession … for a long, long time.
Until then, us grinders, who are totally committed, will continue to set the pace that others try to match.
CONCLUSION
To sum this up, in order for one to work towards living their optimal life, they must understand who they are. Are the committed or are they just involved in their pursuit. As they begin to understand who they are they will start to figure out what Crayons they have which will allow them to be unique in their approach to doing the work at hand.
Once you understand WHO they are and WHAT makes you tick, you can be the best at whatever field of endeavor you choose.
Have an amazing day!
