Speakers Toolbox: Believe In You
I had the honor of being an officiant for Sarah and Tyler Nesbitt’s wedding. The night before the ceremony one of Tyler’s family members came up to me and asked, “Are you nervous?” I smiled and looked at the woman and said, “About what?” She giggled and said, “Silly, for tomorrow.” I laughed and said, “The only thing I am nervous about is when I go to sleep, I’m nervous that I might not wake up.” She took a step back and looked at me and said, “You’re not nervous about getting up in front of 250 people tomorrow and leading the ceremony?” I said, “I’m excited, not nervous, I can’t wait to see how it all comes together.” She shook her head and smiled and said, “Well, I couldn’t do it.”
I asked, “Why not?” She stammered and rolled her eyes and said, “I couldn’t stand up in front of all those people, I might mess up the whole thing.” I responded, “What happens if it were just, you and your husband standing here could you talk about Sarah and Tyler and your perspective of what marriage is?”
She thought about it for a minute, “Sure, if it were just, he and I, I could.” I then took the lay-up, “Why would does it matter how many people you are in front of then, one or 250, it’s all the same.” She took a drink and said, “I’ve never thought about it that way. But I still couldn’t do it.” And we laughed and she went on with her evening.
How many times are you in this situation?
You are asked to speak in front of a group of your peers. And you freeze up. My first question is, “Why?” The normal response is that there is a feeling of discomfort. This usually stems from the idea that they are not comfortable being the center of attention. Then there is a feeling of doubt about their knowledge and possibly being judged. And finally, the overwhelming feeling of speaking to a large group.
Let’s look at those fears and maybe I can help you get over some of your sticking points that might be the difference between you staying where you are at in your business, or possibly moving forward in your chosen profession.
In my book MOVE or DIE, I wrote about having my two front teeth knocked out, which caused me to develop a speech impediment. This issue was bad enough for the speech therapist to tell my mom that, “He’ll never be a public speaker.”
Though I still have a stutter from time to time I have found ways to reduce its prominence. Even though I learned these tools to help myself, it didn’t help me feel comfortable speaking in front of large groups of people.
The breakthrough came when I joined the Nebraska Historical Society staff at Fort Robinson, Nebraska. This was a summer job that was intended to keep me in beer money for the rest of the school year. Though it accomplished that task, too well, it also provided a great learning environment for me, which I use every time I step on stage to give a motivational talk.
Fort Robinson was a military fort from the 1870s through World War II. The fort was the site of the murder of the great Sioux warrior Crazy Horse, it helped to settle the frontier, it became a horse depot for the military in all of the wars that horses were utilized. During World War II it was a prisoner of war prison for German soldiers captured in Europe.
On site, there were six areas where daily tours were given. Each spot came with a tour guide. I was one of those guides, for four summers. The tours were not scheduled so you might have no one show up or, especially on holidays, there might be fifty or more at a time. Each tour would last 10 – 15 minutes. The guide would talk about what happened or what occupation at that spot. At lunch, we would shift locations so you could talk about something else for four hours.
Here is what I learned about speaking:
SIZE DOESN’T MATTER
It didn’t matter what size the group was. If it was one person or a crowd of seventy people, all I changed was the volume I spoke at, to make sure the ones in the back could hear.
I learned very quickly that each time a group walked up to the site I was working I was going to be the center of attention. It is no different than when you are out with a group of friends and you are telling a story. You are the center of attention. If you stood up on the bar and told the whole club the same story your position did not change, you were still the center of attention.
Early on in my tour guide experience, I found it easier if I spoke to two or three people in the crowd when groups were larger. When you walk up in front of the group you are speaking to you will be able to find two or three sympathetic faces that you can talk to. Spread these people out so you can move your eyes and “seem” like you are speaking to everyone.
In the end, worrying about how many people are watching you is a moot point. One or one hundred and one, you are still the center of attention. Live with it and tell your story
LEARN IT – LIVE IT – LOVE IT
The speaking became easier when I learned each site in depth. The head of the Historical Society at Fort Robinson was Vance Nelson. Vance knew EVERYTHING. But he was a busy man. He gave me a quick run-through at each site and then handed me the book on the history of Fort Robinson.
I picked up stories from some of the veteran tour guides. But the biggest contributors to my knowledge bank and my storytelling came from people who actually worked in similar occupations to the buildings at one time of their life or another.
There was a blacksmith shop, a wheelwright shop, and a veterinarian hospital. When I found a person who was familiar with the tools or the instruments, I would pull them aside and learn from those who had done it. By my third year as a guide, visitors actually thought I could build a wagon wheel from scratch and shoe or horse.
And that’s the second part of being comfortable when you are speaking.
When I do a motivational talk, I know what I am going to speak about. I have researched, read, written, and have spoken to “smarter people”, and have rehearsed my talk so that I will be the “smartest person” on stage, speaking on the subject that has been agreed upon.
I know the “answer, before I hear the question” in all of my talks or I won’t include it in my talk. I did this at Fort Robinson, at the numerous coaching clinics I have spoken at in my career and now as a motivational speaker. Don’t set yourself up for failure by speaking about what you don’t know about. If someone asks a question outside of the presentation focus it is easy to say that you don’t know enough about that subject to speak on it at this time. But if you put it on the table in your presentation, then you better know your stuff.
Knowing your information helps with feeling comfortable with a large crowd. The information is the same whether you are speaking to one or one hundred and one, so relax and enjoy your time sharing your knowledge with those who are in attendance.
JUDGEMENT DAY
Let me help you with this one. No matter what environment you are in, whether you are telling a story to a small group of co-workers or even your friends or you are speaking to 250 people at a wedding ceremony you WILL be judged.
Think about it. You’ve sat through more than one story or presentation where you saw where the person screwed up or could have done better. Did the world end because they messed up a name or a place? Did they read from their PowerPoint on the screen, or did they read from their notes? Could you do better? Well, great, do it, do better and be better and don’t repeat the mistakes that you see others make.
But also judge them for what they did right. Steal some of their techniques that can be blended with yours. I used to like to go listen to other tour guides give their presentations. I would steal a story or make a change in the order of the story.
Judgment is good. The key is that you have people in the crowd who will tell you the truth about what they heard and saw. Take the criticism in stride, especially if you trust the person who is telling you what could be done better.
CONCLUSION
Speaking in front of people is not about seeing them naked. Speaking comfortably in front of a large or even a small group consists of three things:
1) Don’t speak to the entire group, speak to a few individuals spread out around the speaking venue.
2) Know your stuff. Study diligently and rehearse until you can do it without notes.
3) You will be judged so don’t worry about it … do your best and that will be good enough.
Even though the wedding was my first as an officiant I wasn’t nervous. I’ve always been good in front of crowds, so the 250 friends and family of the bride and groom did not bother me. And lastly, I knew my talk and I knew I would be my worst critic.
But it was nice, at the reception, when people, I had never met, walked up to me and said, “We’ve been looking for you, that was the best wedding ceremony we’ve ever been to, how many weddings have you done?”
NO FEAR!!
