Reach Back
“Success is what you do to achieve your dreams.
Significance occurs when you help others to achieve theirs.”
- Chris Carlisle
I saw a great series of pictures. The pictures were of an ant trying to cross from one limb to another. By itself the ant couldn’t reach. Along came another ant. This ant allowed themself to be used as a ladder by the first ant to reach the other branch. The first ant was able to span the distance from one branch to the other. The first ant could have walked away and went on with their life. Instead, the ant extended their body so that the helper ant could cross the distance also.
Not only did the first two ants cross the abyss but they stayed in place to help others to move along their path.
What a great message on reaching back and helping others.
I know I would not have accomplished as much as I have in my career if it weren’t for people who cared enough to reach back and give me a hand.
These people are the mentors in my life.
Now that I have achieved my success. I can reach back and help others live their optimal life.
I have grown from a student to a mentor.
Mentoring
Mentoring is not telling someone what to do. Mentoring, for the most part, is listening. Listen, to whoever has come to you, to understand – not to respond.
Too many people are just looking for a reason to tell the other person “How to do things right”. To listen to understand means that when you speak you ask questions that help you get to understand what the person really needs from you.
If they point-blank ask you, “How do I …”, this gives you a starting point. Instead of starting your lecture; follow their question with a question. Maybe asking them how they go about their daily work. Have them start at the beginning, so as to give you a foundation for what they are struggling with at this time.
This allows them to put their cards on the table slowly. It allows you, the mentor, to understand better what the issue might be.
The worst thing you can do is to walk into a situation and just start telling everyone how YOU would do it. Remember every situation is unique. The environment may be much different than when you sat in the same seat as they are sitting right now.
Also, when you take your time, you don’t scare them away. If you come in like an avalanche they might shut down because they are overwhelmed. Nurture the conversation so that they feel comfortable. When they feel you are there to help, then they will continue to come back to you when they have a question.
When you come in as a know-it-all, they’ll put up with you for a while, but once you are gone, you will never hear from them again.
The key is to continue to be the stream of knowledge that they continue to feel comfortable drawing information out of as they run into other issues.
Being a Mentor
Think of the people that you currently look up to, or those you have looked up to in the past. Why did you lean in to them?
Most likely they were successful in life, either as a person or in the professional standing. Either way, you found something that made you want to hear from them.
How did they deliver their message that was so important to you?
Was their message passed on through the way they lived their life? They seemed to inspire everyone that met them.
Was their message passed on in their actions? Some people are soft spoken when it comes to the volume of their words, but are as loud as a waterfall with their actions.
Was their message passed on through their words? Some people are very wise and are able to give you a lifetime of knowledge in a few words.
So how did your mentor appear to you?
When you leaned in did they give you everything they had right away, or was it in small increments?
Did they earn their wisdom through their own life struggles and successes, or did they learn it from a book?
How many other people have this person as their mentor?
Here is what I am working towards. WHAT and HOW did they become your mentor?
Now how will you become a mentor? Will you copy the way that your mentor came into your life? Will you pass on their message? Will you give it in the same way that you received the message from your mentor?
I hope your answer is NO to copying your mentor’s life, NO to passing on the same message, and NO to giving it in the same way.
Why? Simple, who says your mentor was right in all things? Maybe they were limited from a lack of exposure to new ideas and different voices.
Maybe the way that your mentor passed on their knowledge worked for you. Maybe they were demanding. Very few people want to be “told” how to be better. Fewer will see the nuances of a quiet leader.
You can’t be your mentor because they are an original. You need to be an original also. You need to continue to learn and grow as your own individual self.
When you understand who you are you will draw people to you that need to hear your way. The great thing about knowing yourself is that you will have all the right answers. When you try to be like someone else; you only know the answers they gave you.
When you are YOU, you know why everything happened in your life and how you climbed all the mountains to become the person that others need to have as their mentor.
Conclusion
When you find a mentor, lean in and listen. Learn all you can. Understand not what they did but why they did what they did and how it happened. Listen to their struggles.
When you become a mentor, be you. They don’t need to hear lessons that you didn’t learn for yourself. Speak from your heart and always work to help them become better than you ever were.
Have an amazing day!
