How To Be the Best
“It’s hard to accept the truth when lies are what you want to hear.”
- Caroline Mitchell
I was blessed to be in the coaching / teaching profession for 35 years. During that time, I saw how the worst prepared and I have seen what it takes to be the best.
The one thing that determined either outcome was not an outside opponent or element. The key was how much coaching would each individual accept.
If the individual or the team didn’t care about the results, then the ending was set in stone. My issue comes with those who expect to be the best, but aren’t willing to receive constructive criticism to help them get out of their own way.
To be the best means you are putting out your optimal effort in everything that you are doing in pursuit of being the best. Effort alone does not make one the best.
If you just “work hard”, but don’t work effectively or with great efficiency, you might as well stop trying. You aren’t going to get any better.
The only way to push forward in your professional endeavors is to have a circle of “Quarters” or mentors around you that you can lean into so you can stay on the path of being the best.
I have seen this in sports, in business, in literature, in music and in life.
People say the right things. They talk about their goals and they dream big. And then when it comes time to perform, they fall flat on their face.
This failure occurs because they continue to miss the important moments. They don’t edit their work. They don’t work on their flaws. They don’t invest in their dreams with time or money. They wing it. And then they listen to the people who are more concerned with not hurting their feelings. These “nice” people are not concerned about the person getting better. They just don’t want to be the “bad guy”.
“Good Job”
Last week I received a video of a talk that a friend of mine gave at a business meeting. She asked if I would give her some feedback. I responded with, “Really?” She responded, “Be nice.” My return text was, “Then you don’t want to know the truth?”
My friend would like to be the best. But only to the point that I don’t hurt her feelings.
So, I watched the presentation and sent the response, “Good job.”
She responded with, “That bad, huh?” She knew my love of the line in the movie, “Whiplash”, when J.K. Simmons says, “There are no two words in the English language more harmful than “good job”.
The sad part is that my friend never asked the next important question, “How can I make it better?”
Your Silence Speaks Louder Than Words
During our conversation that led up to this sequence of texts, she told me that “everyone loved her talk”. I asked how the CEO felt about it? “Well … she never said.” Hmmm.
I asked what the other C-level posse had said about it … again … crickets. No comment. And that was why she asked me to critique her presentation … “nicely”.
The people who she thought were her friends told her how wonderful it was. The people that mattered withheld comment.
This reminded me of a quote by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
I’m changing the context a little, but her “enemies” were the ones who “threw flowers and high praise” upon the talk that was given. Though she perceived these people as “friends”. While the people who made the decisions on her future were silent.
In the end, who, truly, were her friends?
Seeking the Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing but the Truth
This week I received an email from another friend. I regard this person as one of the top “Mentalists” in the world.
He said he was working on a new routine and was very excited about it. He continued by saying that when he had it where he wanted it, he would film it, and “would like for me to give my opinion.”
I laughed and said, “Am I on the lowest rung of your friends that you know you can baffle with your Mentalism?” He quickly shot back, “No, you are one of the few who will tell me the truth.”
The “truth”. He didn’t ask me to “be nice”. He didn’t lay the groundwork that “everyone loves it”. He wants to know, from my vantage point, where the “holes” in his program were? He knows that if I see them, then others will, which will ruin the illusion. And in Mentalism, the illusion is the strength of the routine.
I’ve done this for him before. He is “one of the best” right now. He aspires to be THE BEST. This is the difference between being satisfied and being obsessed with honing your talents to get to the top of your game.
Hard Lessons
In my career, which I speak of in blunt terms in my book Move or Die, is a path of learning from my mistakes. Sometimes they were so clear that I saw my errors and self-corrected. Other times I needed the people around me to give me hard coaching in order to make the right decisions in my profession and in my life.
I may have bristled, initially, at their “truths” about me but, thankfully, I have always let them sink in and help to change my course, for the better. Because I was open to constructive criticism, I made huge leaps in my career.
This can happen to you also. Just do these three things:
· Surround yourself with a group of Quarters that you trust to tell you the TRUTH that you may not like to hear, but that you NEED to hear.
· Be open minded enough to make the changes that make sense.
· In the future prepare at the highest level so you don’t continue to make the same mistakes.
If you do these three simple things you will be on your way to being the very best at whatever you strive to accomplish or achieve.
Have an amazing day!
