Embracing the Struggle
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can control your attitude toward them.”
- Maya Angelou
In a world that often glorifies perfection and seamless success, it can be easy to overlook the value hidden within our struggles. Each challenge we face is not merely an obstacle; it’s a teacher, a sculptor chiseling away at the outer shell of our lives to reveal something about us that we did not know was there.
Imagine your life as a movie. Each scene represents a moment—some exciting and happy, others dark and miserable. At first glance, the chaotic scenes may seem disjointed. But upon closer inspection, you begin to see how each scene leads to the next to create a unique story: your story.
None of our movies are perfect. There are scenes you would like to forget or rewrite, while others you wish you could watch over and over again. But in the end, these scenes make up your life.
Finding Light in Dark Places
There are times when a string of adverse events seems like it will crush us. We want to give up, throw in our cards, and quit. The struggle forces us to face some uncomfortable truths about ourselves and the world around us. It encourages us to look inside ourselves and find a way to keep moving forward.
In September 1999, everything seemed to be going my way. We had won a National Championship in January and were expecting our first child in November. Then life stepped in. Louon, my wife, developed complications. Because of this, we had to take my son eight weeks prematurely, or both my wife and son might die. Gladly, both made it through the C-section. Two months later, I began having chest pains. I went into the emergency room, where the doctor said I had good news and bad news. The good news was that the pain in my chest was not my heart, but they needed to remove my gall bladder. The bad news was I had cancer.
Two months later, while undergoing chemotherapy treatments, I was asked to join Pete Carroll’s staff at USC. Louon was just getting back on her feet, Alex was still in the growing process, I was doing chemo with radiation still to be done, and now I was moving cross-country from Knoxville to Los Angeles to be the head strength and conditioning coach.
USC was not a “good job” at the time. It was a total gut and rebuild job from the foundation up. I would spend 14 – 16 hours daily overseeing all 19 NCAA Division I sports and nearly 600 athletes.
During these long days and short nights, I learned a lot about myself. Beyond all that I was going through, I knew three things: I wouldn’t let my family down, Coach Carroll for taking a chance on me, and I would not give up on myself.
I found that every day, I would wake up and take one more bite out of each of the struggles in my life. I followed the adage, “How do you eat an elephant: One bite at a time.” I couldn’t make my problems instantly disappear; I had to play the hand I was dealt, so I made a positive step forward with each. As long as I kept moving forward, things got better.
When I was with the athletes, I didn’t think about my cancer (I didn’t tell the team that I was in a “the fight” until I went into remission); all I did was focus on getting them prepared at the highest level. I would call my wife whenever I had a moment during the day and before I went to bed to ensure they were doing well.
Initially, I was driven by desperation rather than desire. Like a duck, I skimmed across my pond (life) without showing what was beneath the surface because I was paddling hard just to keep from sinking.
Through those chaotic days filled with the physical effects of cancer and the mental stress of being away from my family, I learned to appreciate small victories: moving the needle on the athletes' fitness or simply getting out of bed each morning became monumental achievements worthy of celebration. This shift in perspective didn’t erase my struggles; instead, it reframed them as stepping stones toward personal growth.
Keep Paddling
You must be resilient when the universe seems to be trying to take you out. I recently sent out a Champions Mindset to my group of people that I work with; it read: “Struggling isn’t unique – persevering is!”
We all have our struggles in our life. Some are just life, like my cancer or the loss of my parents. Shit happens to good people. Some are self-made problems like me sticking my head in a chicken house fan. While other issues stem from the people we choose to walk our path with.
No matter their origin, we all have our struggles. Your problems aren’t any easier or harder than anyone else. The difficulty comes in how we deal with the chaos.
Some will quit when they “think” trouble is on the way, others will wait for the first wave to hit before they lay down, and others will stop moving forward during the storm. Some will suffer through the storm before they quit, just before the sun comes out. And then there are those who continue to walk into the teeth of the storm, moving one step at a time into whatever is being thrown at them.
These are the resilient ones. They understand that better days are ahead when they overcome the present issue. They have been through a lot. They bear their scars proudly and call them “learning experiences.”
They can do this for the following five reasons:
Absolute Trust: Those who persevere believe in themselves more than anyone else because if they don’t, who will? They KNOW that they can weather any storm. To have absolute trust, you must believe in your destiny and be strong enough not to let anything keep you from accomplishing what you are meant to do.
Rowers: Resilient people make sure that the people they travel down their path with add to the value of their lives. These “rowers” aren’t afraid to tell you the hard truth and will push you through hard times by reminding you that you have much more to accomplish.
Plan B: Survivors are planners. They have each step of their success planned out. They also understand that the first plan might not work, and if it doesn’t, they have Plan B, C, and D all the way to Z to keep them moving toward their goals and dreams. Their dreams are too big to quit on. They know that too many will stop after their first plan falls apart. This group of warriors will step over those who have quit.
Lean In: During a hard time, I came upon Romans 8:31: “What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” Need I say more? Take the next step!
20/20 Perspective: Resilient people can put hard times into perspective. They know that there is no such thing as a smooth path. They can step back and find reason and growth for their struggles when hard times strike. When one can learn, understand, and use this information for future steps, nothing can stop them.
The Gift
All the hard times that have come to me are now “gifts” that helped me get to where I was destined to end up. The struggles that I have endured would have stopped some in their tracks. Others would have taken a detour and just dug in and stayed put. Not me. I knew where my climb would take me; I just needed to keep moving forward.
The Dali Lama is credited with the quote, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” I live by this quote daily. I choose not to be slowed by the things that come into my life.
Instead, they became the foundation on which I built my life. I am no different from you. You just need to trust yourself, absolutely. Each day, you need to keep moving, follow your plan, ask for help when times are hard, and learn from each episode that comes into your life.
At the end, as your life’s movie runs, you will look back and be reminded of the hard times, but you will be lifted by how far you traveled and how high you climbed because you embraced the struggle.
Have an amazing day!
