The Myth of Either / Or: Embracing Parenthood and Professional Excellence
“It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice, and most of all, love of what you are doing.”
- Pele
We’ve been lied to. A subtle, insidious lie that whispers in our ears: "You can either be a great parent or be great at your job." Pick one." This false dichotomy has haunted countless mothers and fathers, creating a constant tug-of-war between career aspirations and the love for their children. But what if I told you that you DON’T have to choose? What if excelling in both realms is not only possible but also profoundly enriching?
The Flawed Premise: Why the "Choice" is a Fallacy
The notion that being a good parent hinders professional success comes from outdated societal expectations and a misunderstanding of what truly drives achievement. It assumes that time spent with family is time “lost” from work, neglecting the powerful skills and perspectives that parenthood brings.
Being part of a team at work and part of the family at home are not two separate entities. Being successful is being successful; if it works with your significant other and your children, it will work with the people we work with. They are all humans. People are all looking for the same things. If you feel these needs, you are winning.
So, the next time you think you have to choose between being elite at your work or being elite with your family, consider this:
· Time Management: Parents become masters of efficiency, squeezing every last drop of productivity from their working hours.
· Problem-Solving: Raising children is a constant exercise in creative problem-solving. These skills translate directly to the workplace.
· Empathy and Emotional Intelligence: Understanding and responding to a child's needs hones emotional intelligence, a crucial asset in leadership and teamwork.
· Sense of Purpose: Knowing you're working to provide for and inspire your children can fuel a deeper sense of purpose and motivation.
The truth is, parenthood doesn't diminish your professional capabilities; in fact, it enhances them.
Redefining Success: It's Not Just About the Hours
We need to shift our focus from the quantity of time spent at work to the quality of the work produced. Chasing the illusion of a "perfect" work-life balance, which rarely exists, is a recipe for burnout. Due to the ebb and flow of business and life, it is impossible to establish a clear division that allows each to receive equal time. If you are in the middle of a high-stress work cycle, the number of hours may not be balanced. The key is to focus on the quality of time that you spend with your family during these periods. Conversely, when family is a priority (such as during vacations), ensure your interactions with work occur during lull times when you can maintain focus on your family.
As a coach, I would often watch fellow coaches sit at their desks, seemingly working, while waiting for the head coach to leave. As soon as the head coach walked out the doors, there was a mad rush for the parking lot. We had a term for this; it was called “guarding your pencils”. Coaches were afraid to be seen as slacking when everyone else was working. One of my favorite coaches of all time was Kris Richard. Kris is a fantastic coach, and in the same measure, he is an amazing father and husband. Kris would leave when his work was done so he could spend valuable time with his family.
So, how did he “hack the system”? Very simply, he would arrive at work two to three hours earlier than the rest of the staff, who had been at their desks until midnight the night before. At 5:00 am, his family was sleeping; they did not miss having their dad in the house. Kris was always prepared and the most innovative coach on the staff because he did not waste time using a tired mind. He would come in with a clear mind and work with excellent efficiency.
Here's how I ensured a balance between my professional and personal life:
· Prioritizing ruthlessly: Identify the tasks that truly move the needle and delegate or eliminate the rest.
· Setting clear boundaries: Protect your family time by establishing clear boundaries around work hours. Communicate these boundaries to colleagues and clients.
· Utilize available technology: Leverage tools that enhance your workflow efficiency and enable you to work more effectively.
· Make the time: Seek out workplaces that offer flexible work arrangements, such as remote work or flexible hours. If your current employer doesn't offer these, initiate the conversation. You might be surprised at their willingness to accommodate.
Finding Your Tribe: The Power of Support
You don't have to do this alone. Being the best in your profession and the best parent ever should be a goal for everyone in the family. When we include everyone in the plan, there is an understanding. Mom is on a work call, but when she is finished, we GET TO go to the park.
This doesn’t only mean the immediate family but can also extend to the entire network that your family travels in. The cool thing is that when other families see how you are balancing your family and your profession, they will no longer have an excuse to neglect one or the other. Remember the old saying, “As the tide rises, so do all the boats”! Be the tide that leads the way in elevating everyone around you.
Building a strong support network is essential for navigating the challenges of parenthood and a career. This network might include:
· Your Partner: Open communication and shared responsibilities are crucial for a successful partnership.
· Family and Friends: Lean on your loved ones for support, whether it's childcare assistance or just a sympathetic ear.
· Other Working Parents: Connect with other parents who understand the unique challenges you face. Share tips, offer encouragement, and build a community of support.
· Mentors and Role Models: Seek out mentors who have successfully navigated parenthood and a career. Learn from their experiences and gain valuable insights.
Embrace the Imperfect: Forgive Yourself and Keep Going
There will be days when you feel like you're failing at both parenthood and your career. You'll miss a school play, or you'll have to leave work early to pick up a sick child. These moments are inevitable. The key is to forgive yourself, learn from the experience, and keep moving forward. Remember, perfection is the enemy of progress. Strive for excellence, but don't dwell on occasional setbacks.
One of the most challenging moments in my life was when my son played in the state championship football game, and I was in Minnesota for a Vikings game. I hated to miss his game, but he understood the nature of the business. He understood it so well that after graduating with his master's degree in strength and conditioning from college, he went on to become a strength coach as well.
A Life Lived to Its Fullest
Balancing parenthood and a career is not always easy, but it is incredibly rewarding. By challenging the "either/or" mentality, redefining success on your own terms, and building a strong support network, you can create a life that is both professionally fulfilling and deeply meaningful. Embrace the chaos, celebrate the small victories, and remember that you are capable of achieving more than you ever thought possible. You can be a great parent and excel in your career. Believe in yourself, and let your passion for both fuel your journey.
Have an amazing day!
