Suck It Up, Buttercup
“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”
- Dali Lama
When I played football, my mom had only one coaching point: “If you get hurt, don’t lie on the ground; get up and run off the field.” My father often told us, “You need to stop crying, or I’ll give you something to really cry about.” Our family dictionary didn’t have the word "Sympathy” in it. We weren’t abused in any way; we were just taught that we should push through the little things that life throws at us.
We were raised to be tough.
Toughness is often associated with physical strength, but true toughness goes beyond the surface. It's about resilience, perseverance, and the ability to overcome challenges. The earlier in life we are taught this, the better.
When we think of toughness, we often think of athletes or soldiers pushing their physical limits. However, toughness extends further than combative clashes. Mental strength, emotional fortitude, and spiritual integrity are all forms of being “tough”. By looking at the concept of toughness from these perspectives, we can better understand its impact on our lives.
Understanding the concept of toughness is not just a matter of endurance but a gateway to personal growth and development. By recognizing the importance of resilience in overcoming obstacles, individuals can gain a mindset that empowers them to tackle challenges head-on, leading to a more fulfilling and successful life.
What we cannot afford to do is lose sight of the small but significant obstacles that we face every day. It's these daily battles that shape our character and prepare us for the bigger challenges that lie ahead.
Too many think that once you are “tough,” you will always be tough. This is not true. Resilience, perseverance and a positive mindset must be your focus 24/7/365. One second of letting your guard down will set back the progress you have made.
That lapse will make you like everyone else. It’s the donut you sneak that won’t ruin your diet. But you have now weakened your mindset. One will lead to two, and then three, and then WTF? I’ll eat as many as I want. Allowing yourself to succumb to the negativism of the people around you allows you to stop striving for excellence and begin to accept “good enough” that everyone else takes daily.
Fight the urge to give in. Walk away when people want to give excuses instead of hard work. Push forward when it’s hard. If it were all easy, then everyone would be successful.
I speak constantly about the two types of anchors we have in our lives. The anchors that stop us from crashing into the rocks and the others that stop us from becoming who we are meant to be. The latter are the ones who won’t extend themselves and become comfortable. They are the ones who want to take without earning. They believe everyone should get a trophy even if they haven’t earned the prize. When asked to put forth an effort, they say that they are being treated unreasonably.
When good things happen to another person, they believe they have been cheated. They should be handed a free pass to a successful life.
Maintaining a Touch Mindset requires three things:
Positive Self-Talk: I always tell my clients not to let me believe in them more than they believe in themselves. Your toughness lies in you. If your mindset is right, you can overcome anything thrown at you. Remove negative self-narratives. Bury the negative with positive messaging. You are repeating what others have said about you or about others. When you measure yourself, use your scale to determine how far you have come to get where you are. Then, gauge how close you are to achieving your goals.
Goal Setting: We all have great dreams. The best dreams are the ones just beyond our reach. To achieve these, understand where you want to get to and then set short-term goals that will allow you to see success every day. Too often, we shoot for far-off dreams and then don’t set up the mile markers. In a 100-mile journey, one step doesn’t seem very far, but understanding how hard that first step was makes the next step easier to take. Our next goal needs to be the second step. When we make it, we are two steps closer to our goal. If we don’t set short-term goals, two steps aren’t close to 100 miles, so many will quit because the dream “is too far away.”
Positive Environment: Find people that believe in you. Those who want to help you be better than you are. Read positive books and articles. Watch uplifting documentaries. Stay away from negative people who give their opinions but have no instructions on how to improve. These are the anchors that hold you back from being who you are meant to be. Look for mentors who are willing to teach you. These mentors are your guides. They have been where you are at and are where you want to get to. Find truthtellers who are willing to tell you the hard truths but will also have the answers on how to improve yourself. They will always cheer for you. They believe in your dream as much as you do.
You will not desire to slow down or step back when you surround yourself with motivated, positive people. You will push yourself forward because there is no other option. When we remove all the negative messaging and voices and add direction to our lives, we become “tougher,” more resilient people who can preserve anything that gets in their way on their path from where they are at to where they are meant to be.
Toughness is not just about enduring hardships; it's about thriving despite them. We can unlock our full potential and achieve remarkable feats by embracing resilience and perseverance. Keep pushing yourself farther down your path. Eventually, you will be called to do more and be ready for it because you raised yourself to be tough!
