How To Become an Elite Communicator: Part I: Listening
“Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, spirit over ego, others over self.”
- Dean Jackson
Listening is often overlooked in a world filled with constant noise and distractions. We live in a society that values speaking and being heard, but what about the importance of genuinely listening? We were given two ears and one mouth for a reason – to listen twice as much as we speak.
As a coach, I had two rules: Communicate and Be Early. Being early was about respect for the organization, the people working with you, and most of all, respect for yourself.
The first part was about communication. To achieve the desired results and the end goal of being the best-trained team, the athlete needed to listen to the instructions and speak up when they didn’t understand or there was a problem completing the instructions.
Listening Is Not Passive
Listening is not just about hearing words; it is about actively engaging with the speaker, understanding their perspective, and how this information can be used to finish a task. When we truly listen, we are able to build stronger relationships, resolve conflicts more effectively, and foster a sense of trust and respect.
One of the key elements in becoming an Elite Communicator is ACTIVE LISTENING. This means giving your full attention to the speaker, maintaining eye contact, asking specific questions, and repeating in your words what was said to show that you understand the message. When we do these things, we show that we value the other person's thoughts and feelings, creating a deeper working relationship.
Why is Active Listening Important?
But why is active listening so essential in communication? The simple answer is that it allows us to take in what is being conveyed. When we are locked in, we can pick up on subtle cues such as tone of voice, body language, and emotions. All three lead to a deeper understanding of the message being passed on.
When we are totally engaged in the message, we can avoid misunderstandings and miscommunications that often come up when people are not focused on the conversation. This shows respect for the speaker and their ideas.
What Kind of Listener Are You?
There are many types of listeners in this world. There is the PASSIVE LISTENER. The passive listener is listening but is not entirely focused on your words. They may be learning, but they are not getting the complete message. They miss the nuances of communication, the tone, body language, and the emotions of the message. I watch people in church who passively listen to the message. They get the idea, but they may miss the actual point.
The LISTEN TO SPEAK LISTENER. These people are listening, not to the message but to the timing of your speaking. They are waiting for you to pause or take a breath. They see their opening when this happens and will jump in with their message. Abraham Lincoln covered this group with this quote, “It’s better to be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” When you are a listener, listen. When you are given the opportunity to ask a question, ask a question. At no time is anyone seeking your personal opinion or misguided narrative.
The BUFFET LISTENER. This listener will only take from the speaker what fits their current awareness. They are not looking to learn new ideas; they only want to bolster their position with similar ideas. They only consume what they like. Things that may be good for them, they will leave behind. They know what they know and have no desire to try other ideas.
The DISTRACTED LISTENER. This is me when I am watching a TV show that allows me to be with my family but is very shallow in its writing and doesn’t take a lot of focus to get the jest of the story. Because of this, I distract myself by reading an article while listening to what is being said in the program.
The CONTRARIAN LISTENER. These listeners only listen so they can argue with the speaker. They actively listen for what they can pick apart. The topic does not matter to these listeners; they will disagree with you in an attempt to make others think they are more knowledgeable or have a better view of the ideas. They have trivia-like knowledge. They understand a significant word or two and a quote or three that they use in every discussion. They bring nothing new to the table and will get passed by because they are unwilling to open their mind to new ideas.
Conclusion
Ultimately, the Active Listener is the only one who truly wants to improve. They are few and far between because it is hard to be an Active Listener because it takes effort. You must stay on point, listening and feeling what is being said. You will need to wrap your mind around what is being said. This may cause discomfort because it may push on ideas that you have long held. But this is a good thing. Pat Summitt, the basketball coach at the University of Tennessee, once said, “A champion is someone who is willing to be uncomfortable.”
When you are an Active Listener, you will understand what is being asked and will be able to move forward and use this information to help you become who you were always meant to be.
Have an amazing day.
